funny stuff

Andy · **Posted:** Fri Feb 06, 2009 2:14 am

found these on a forum

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An elderly woman walked into the Bank of Canada one morning with a purse full of money. She wanted to open a savings account and insisted on talking to the president of the Bank because, she said, she had a lot of money.

After many lengthy discussions (after all , the client is always right) an employee took the elderly woman to the president's office.

The president of the Bank asked her how much she wanted to deposit. She placed her purse on his desk and replied, "$165, 000." The president was curious and asked her how she had been able to save so much money. The elderly woman replied that she made bets.

The president was surprised and asked , "What kind of bets?

The elderly woman replied, "Well, I bet you $25 ,000 that your testicles are square."

The president started to laugh and told the woman that it was impossible to win a bet like that.

The woman never batted an eye. She just looked at the president and said , "Would you like to take my bet?"

"Certainly," replied the president. "I bet you $25 ,000 that my testicles are not square."

"Done," the elderly woman answered. "But given the amount of money involved , if you don't mind I would like to come back at 10 o' clock tomorrow morning with my lawyer as a witness." '

"No problem," said the president of the Bank confidently.

That night, the president became very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of the mirror examining his testicles , turning them this way and that, checking them over again and again until he was positive that no one could consider his testicles as square and reassuring himself that there was no way he could lose the bet.

The next morning at exactly 10 o'clock the elderly woman arrived at the president's office with her lawyer and acknowledged the $25, 000 bet made the day before that the president's testicles were square.

The president confirmed that the bet was the same as the one made the day before. Then the elderly woman asked him to drop his pants etc. so that she and her lawyer could see clearly.

The president was happy to oblige.

The elderly woman came closer so she could see better and asked the president if she could touch them. "Of course," said the president. "Given the amount of money involved, you should be 100% sure."

The elderly woman did so with a little smile. Suddenly the president noticed that the lawyer was banging his head against the wall. He asked the elderly woman why he was doing that and she replied , "Oh, it's probably because I bet him $100, 000 that around 10 o'clock in the morning I would be holding the balls of the President of the Bank of Canada!"

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Dear Danny,

I hope you can help me here. The other day , I set off for work leaving my
husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't driven more than a
mile down the road when the engine conked out and the car shuddered to a
halt. I walked back home to get my husband's help.

When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He was in our bedroom with the
neighbor's daughter. I am 32, my husband is 34, and the neighbor's
daughter is 22! We have been married for ten years.

When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted that they had been having
an affair for the past six months. I told him to stop or I would leave him.
He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he has been feeling
increasingly depressed and worthless.

I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become
increasingly distant. He won't go to counseling and I'm afraid I
can't get through to him anymore.

Can you please help?

Sincerely,
Matilda
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Dear Matilda,

A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a
variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris
in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the vacuum pipes and hoses on the
intake manifold and also check all grounding wires. If none of these
approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump Itself is
faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the injectors.

I hope this helps,
Danny

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I have had personal experience with this...my classmates have done this to me multiple times...just less bleeding